Ever since I was a little kid, it’s been exciting to think about the future and to look forward to the next step. I’ve never been afraid of what’s ahead because the path has always been certain and clear. I always thought I would graduate from college and move somewhere nice and get a job as a teacher and get married and have a family and that everything would just fall into place. I didn’t plan on feeling uncertain about teaching. I didn’t plan on staying in Michigan. I didn’t plan on staying at camp. I didn’t plan on a lot of things… And not living according to a plan scares me. I like knowing what’s ahead. I like being in control. Really, maybe it’s just that I like for things to be easy.
Now when I think about the future, it makes me uneasy. What if I can’t find a job? What kind of job should I even look for? Where will I go? Where will I live? What if I’ve forgotten everything that I learned? What if I can’t take enough classes soon enough to keep my teaching license? Where do I even begin? What if everyone moves on and grows up except for me? What if life doesn't turn out like I imagined?
I heard this song on the radio on my way home tonight:
I will move ahead, bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience
While I'm waiting
I will serve You
While I'm waiting
I will worship
While I'm waiting
I will not faint
I'll be running the race
Even while I wait
I know that this should be my attitude. I know that God is in control and that his plan is better than anything I could plan for myself. But it’s not easy to wait and to trust and to be patient. The “what ifs” always come back.
I know there are much worse things that could be happening in my life. I really am thankful for all the blessings that have been showered upon me. I know I have nothing to worry about. I just need to surrender. Let go. And wait.
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Passion
For the past several years, I’ve been struggling to find my passion -- that one thing that I can get really excited about, that I can’t stop talking about, that gives me joy, that brings me purpose. This search for a passion was largely inspired by my doubts about teaching. When I realized that I didn’t know if I wanted to be a teacher, I started to wonder what I really did want to do. And thus, I started to wonder what I was really passionate about. I know that I love working with kids and I love traveling and I love camp and I love reading and I love jumping out of airplanes…but I’m realizing that all of that is secondary and really quite meaningless when compared with what really matters.
My passion should be about God—my Father, my Creator, my Savior, my Everything. It’s that simple. Why do I make it so difficult? If I’m not truly passionate about Christ, nothing else is going to matter.
I think about how excited I get to watch my skydiving video or to tell people about the experience or to think about doing it again. If you watch me in the video, you’ll see that I couldn’t take the smile off my face—I was so stinkin’ excited! How much more should I be thrilled to spend time with my God and to tell people about him? If I am willing to risk my life by jumping out of an airplane purely for my own pleasure, how much more should I be willing to risk my life for the sake of Christ?
I can say that I believe, but it isn’t real unless I live it.
What does my life say to the people I know? What does it say to the people I don’t know?
I’ve been thinking about 1 Peter 3:15 – “But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have.” Our concern should be not only in being prepared to give an answer, but, primarily, in living in a way that provokes the question. I believe that a life that is truly passionate about Christ would have everyone asking. I want to live that way.
My passion should be about God—my Father, my Creator, my Savior, my Everything. It’s that simple. Why do I make it so difficult? If I’m not truly passionate about Christ, nothing else is going to matter.
I think about how excited I get to watch my skydiving video or to tell people about the experience or to think about doing it again. If you watch me in the video, you’ll see that I couldn’t take the smile off my face—I was so stinkin’ excited! How much more should I be thrilled to spend time with my God and to tell people about him? If I am willing to risk my life by jumping out of an airplane purely for my own pleasure, how much more should I be willing to risk my life for the sake of Christ?
I can say that I believe, but it isn’t real unless I live it.
What does my life say to the people I know? What does it say to the people I don’t know?
I’ve been thinking about 1 Peter 3:15 – “But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have.” Our concern should be not only in being prepared to give an answer, but, primarily, in living in a way that provokes the question. I believe that a life that is truly passionate about Christ would have everyone asking. I want to live that way.
Friday, April 3, 2009
Life
I came home a few days ago to find a not-so-pleasant surprise on my doorstep. Right in front of my porch someone had left me a squirrel. A dead squirrel. It was disgusting! (I know you’re all probably super disappointed that I don’t have a picture to share. :P) Fortunately, I know a nice guy who was willing to come dispose of it for me :), but it got me thinking…
Now, I’m not a huge fan of squirrels, but I don’t have any big problems with them. They’re kind of cute sometimes. But there was nothing at all cute about the one on my step. Because it was dead. The life was gone. It made me think of when goldfish die. They’re fun to watch when they’re swimming around the bowl, but when you find them belly up, they’re just gross. And to stretch this thought a bit further…think about going to a funeral…even the most beautiful person (inside or out) is not all that attractive in a casket (not to be insensitive). The only genuinely beautiful things about us are our souls, our spirits, our personalities – our Life. That which is temporary and earthly, our flesh, is disgusting in and of itself. It’s the immortal part of us that makes us beautiful.
It’s a shame that we spend so much time and effort working on the outside and tend to ignore what really counts…
Now, I’m not a huge fan of squirrels, but I don’t have any big problems with them. They’re kind of cute sometimes. But there was nothing at all cute about the one on my step. Because it was dead. The life was gone. It made me think of when goldfish die. They’re fun to watch when they’re swimming around the bowl, but when you find them belly up, they’re just gross. And to stretch this thought a bit further…think about going to a funeral…even the most beautiful person (inside or out) is not all that attractive in a casket (not to be insensitive). The only genuinely beautiful things about us are our souls, our spirits, our personalities – our Life. That which is temporary and earthly, our flesh, is disgusting in and of itself. It’s the immortal part of us that makes us beautiful.
It’s a shame that we spend so much time and effort working on the outside and tend to ignore what really counts…
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Simple Revelation
About a month ago, I had a revelation about my life. Now, it may not seem like a significant revelation or even a revelation at all. Really, it’s quite simple and obvious, but I often don’t live or act or think like it. Well, here it is: “It’s not about me.” That’s my revelation. Not profound, I know. But, have you really thought about this? This life is not about me. At all. Period.
When I think about the way I pray or the things I worry about or the things I think about, I realize that my life is so self-centered. What is my purpose? What am I good at? What do I want my life to look like 5 years from now? Even my seemingly good questions are not focused on God; they’re focused on making me happy or making me feel good about myself.
We weren’t created to be happy and content and self-fulfilled. We weren’t created to be comfortable and successful and to make the most of ourselves. God created us to make much of Him, to glorify Him, to serve Him, to love Him. This world, this life, is not at all about me. So, how can I live otherwise?
Lord, help me to take my focus off of myself and turn it to You. Help me to remember that I am nothing without You. I know that you want the best for your children, and I thank you for your unfathomable love, but help me to remember that I’m not just here to receive from you. Help me to live in response to your love; to live a life of sacrifice and service to you and to others. Turn my questions into ‘How can I bring glory to You?’ ‘How can I live out Your will?’ ‘How can I love You more?’
When I think about the way I pray or the things I worry about or the things I think about, I realize that my life is so self-centered. What is my purpose? What am I good at? What do I want my life to look like 5 years from now? Even my seemingly good questions are not focused on God; they’re focused on making me happy or making me feel good about myself.
We weren’t created to be happy and content and self-fulfilled. We weren’t created to be comfortable and successful and to make the most of ourselves. God created us to make much of Him, to glorify Him, to serve Him, to love Him. This world, this life, is not at all about me. So, how can I live otherwise?
Lord, help me to take my focus off of myself and turn it to You. Help me to remember that I am nothing without You. I know that you want the best for your children, and I thank you for your unfathomable love, but help me to remember that I’m not just here to receive from you. Help me to live in response to your love; to live a life of sacrifice and service to you and to others. Turn my questions into ‘How can I bring glory to You?’ ‘How can I live out Your will?’ ‘How can I love You more?’
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Looking for God
I often have a hard time ‘seeing’ God at work in and around me. Then I’ll hear other people tell stories about ways that God has been working in their lives and realize that the same types of things happen to me, but I don’t always connect them to God. Maybe I’m just not looking for the right things or in the right places.
As I was putting together a jigsaw puzzle the other day, I had this thought – I would choose a part of the picture to work on and then look through the big pile of pieces to find a certain color or pattern for that part. I found that when I was looking for a specific part, my eyes were automatically drawn to those pieces even if I hadn’t noticed them before. The same thing would happen each time I moved on to a different part of the picture. When I knew what I was looking for and focused on it, I had no trouble seeing the pieces I needed.
In the middle of all this, I thought – maybe that’s how it is with God in our lives. Maybe I just need to be more deliberate in looking for and focusing on Him and I’ll find Him right there in front of me amidst the things that have been there all along. I think I just make simple things too hard sometimes.
This seemed to make a lot more sense in my head before I wrote it down, but hopefully you get the point.
I don’t doubt that God is there. I just need to keep looking and start noticing the small things, rather than expecting some big revelation.
As I was putting together a jigsaw puzzle the other day, I had this thought – I would choose a part of the picture to work on and then look through the big pile of pieces to find a certain color or pattern for that part. I found that when I was looking for a specific part, my eyes were automatically drawn to those pieces even if I hadn’t noticed them before. The same thing would happen each time I moved on to a different part of the picture. When I knew what I was looking for and focused on it, I had no trouble seeing the pieces I needed.
In the middle of all this, I thought – maybe that’s how it is with God in our lives. Maybe I just need to be more deliberate in looking for and focusing on Him and I’ll find Him right there in front of me amidst the things that have been there all along. I think I just make simple things too hard sometimes.
This seemed to make a lot more sense in my head before I wrote it down, but hopefully you get the point.
I don’t doubt that God is there. I just need to keep looking and start noticing the small things, rather than expecting some big revelation.
Saturday, February 7, 2009
Random Thoughts
It's amazing how a little bit of sunshine & some warmer weather can change your entire perspective. It's almost 50 degrees today & it feels amazing! I feel like it's almost a tease, making me long for spring even more, but I will just try to enjoy it while I can. I sat on the porch & read my Bible this morning, which was so refreshing. I miss the porch sitting days!
Last night one of my roommates & I stayed up til 2:30 just talking about life and faith and memories and the future. It was so good to process things together and to know that someone else feels the same way about things. It's scary sometimes to admit your doubts or fears or questions, but it's such a relief when you do and someone else admits to feeling the same way. Why are we always so afraid of being the only one?
One thing I read recently that has got me thinking is that our lives as Christians shouldn't make sense to non-believers. Is my life different enough from the world? How do I stop just blending in & be a better witness?
Last night one of my roommates & I stayed up til 2:30 just talking about life and faith and memories and the future. It was so good to process things together and to know that someone else feels the same way about things. It's scary sometimes to admit your doubts or fears or questions, but it's such a relief when you do and someone else admits to feeling the same way. Why are we always so afraid of being the only one?
One thing I read recently that has got me thinking is that our lives as Christians shouldn't make sense to non-believers. Is my life different enough from the world? How do I stop just blending in & be a better witness?
Friday, February 6, 2009
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Moses
When I think of Moses, I usually think of a man of great faith and obedience to God. Hebrews 11 says of Moses, “By faith…he chose to be mistreated along with the people of God rather than to enjoy the pleasures of sin…. By faith he left Egypt, not fearing the king’s anger; he persevered because he saw him who is invisible.” I’d say that’s a pretty honorable way to be remembered.
But do you know how many times Moses questioned God when God told him to go to the king? At least seven times! Moses said things like: “Who am I, that I should go to Pharaoh?” “What if they do not believe me or listen to me?” “Since I speak with faltering lips, why would Pharaoh listen to me?” Moses had lots of fears and doubts.
God not only appears to Moses in a burning bush, but speaks audibly to him. (Haven’t we all at times wished for a sign so clearly from God?) But even with the Lord’s reassurance, Moses remains unconvinced. God says, “Who gave man his mouth? Who makes him deaf or mute? Who gives him sight or makes him blind? Is it not I, the Lord? Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say.”
Moses’ response? “O Lord, please send someone else to do it.”
Is this really the same guy they’re talking about in Hebrews?
It’s a little disappointing to see Moses this way, but at the same time, I guess it’s kind of comforting. If God can do such amazing things through this guy, with all his doubts and complaints and weaknesses, it gives us hope that he can do great things through us too. God didn’t give up on Moses and he hasn’t given up on us either.
But do you know how many times Moses questioned God when God told him to go to the king? At least seven times! Moses said things like: “Who am I, that I should go to Pharaoh?” “What if they do not believe me or listen to me?” “Since I speak with faltering lips, why would Pharaoh listen to me?” Moses had lots of fears and doubts.
God not only appears to Moses in a burning bush, but speaks audibly to him. (Haven’t we all at times wished for a sign so clearly from God?) But even with the Lord’s reassurance, Moses remains unconvinced. God says, “Who gave man his mouth? Who makes him deaf or mute? Who gives him sight or makes him blind? Is it not I, the Lord? Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say.”
Moses’ response? “O Lord, please send someone else to do it.”
Is this really the same guy they’re talking about in Hebrews?
It’s a little disappointing to see Moses this way, but at the same time, I guess it’s kind of comforting. If God can do such amazing things through this guy, with all his doubts and complaints and weaknesses, it gives us hope that he can do great things through us too. God didn’t give up on Moses and he hasn’t given up on us either.
Monday, January 26, 2009
Here & Now
Could it be that I’m trying too hard to find something that I’ve already got? I constantly struggle with the question of what I should do with my life. What kind of job should I look for? Where should I go? How should I be serving? How should I use my degree? Should I go back to school? And so it goes…
But maybe I’m asking the wrong questions. Maybe I should just be asking how God wants to use me where I’m at right now. I recently read a paper that I wrote during my final semester of college in which I was supposed to basically sum up my college experience and set goals for my future. In one part, I said I was unsure about teaching, but I knew that I was passionate about & wanted to be involved in camping ministry. And here I am. I got just what I said I wanted. So why all the questions?
My mom sent me a devotion today entitled “Hiding in Fields.” It talked about the story of David in 1 Samuel when God anointed David King of Israel then sent him right back to tending his sheep. God clearly told David that he would be king, but it didn’t happen immediately. David continued ‘hiding in fields,’ faithfully doing his everyday work until the time was right for the next step. David knew he had a much greater calling in the future, but that didn’t discount the work he was doing right then, right where he was at.
This isn’t an excuse to settle, it’s a call to be faithful and to trust fully in God, even when we don’t feel like we’re doing great, life-changing things. We’ll never be fulfilled if we’re always looking for something bigger and better. We will only be satisfied when we learn to submit to God and let Him use us for his glory at all times and in all places.
For the paper I referenced earlier, I was asked to develop a mission statement for my life. Here’s what I came up with: “My purpose is to love God and love others through obeying God faithfully, serving with humility, and building meaningful relationships in the context of community.” If I’m truly living up to this, I think I’ll be okay – wherever I’m at, whatever I’m doing.
But maybe I’m asking the wrong questions. Maybe I should just be asking how God wants to use me where I’m at right now. I recently read a paper that I wrote during my final semester of college in which I was supposed to basically sum up my college experience and set goals for my future. In one part, I said I was unsure about teaching, but I knew that I was passionate about & wanted to be involved in camping ministry. And here I am. I got just what I said I wanted. So why all the questions?
My mom sent me a devotion today entitled “Hiding in Fields.” It talked about the story of David in 1 Samuel when God anointed David King of Israel then sent him right back to tending his sheep. God clearly told David that he would be king, but it didn’t happen immediately. David continued ‘hiding in fields,’ faithfully doing his everyday work until the time was right for the next step. David knew he had a much greater calling in the future, but that didn’t discount the work he was doing right then, right where he was at.
This isn’t an excuse to settle, it’s a call to be faithful and to trust fully in God, even when we don’t feel like we’re doing great, life-changing things. We’ll never be fulfilled if we’re always looking for something bigger and better. We will only be satisfied when we learn to submit to God and let Him use us for his glory at all times and in all places.
For the paper I referenced earlier, I was asked to develop a mission statement for my life. Here’s what I came up with: “My purpose is to love God and love others through obeying God faithfully, serving with humility, and building meaningful relationships in the context of community.” If I’m truly living up to this, I think I’ll be okay – wherever I’m at, whatever I’m doing.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Trust & Worry
Why is it so hard to completely trust God? Lately, I keep hearing Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight." I've heard this verse countless times before, but I've been thinking more about what it really means to trust with ALL my heart. Am I giving myself fully to God? Am I surrendering ALL parts of my life & my future? If so, I shouldn't feel worried or stressed, right? I read somewhere that worry & stress are signs of a lack of faith in God, which makes sense.
I think a lot of my worry comes from not wanting to do the wrong thing. I want to do God's will, but I don't always clearly know what that is. What if I make the wrong decision? What if my motives aren't right? How do I KNOW for sure?
It seems like most of my thoughts are questions that just lead to more questions & rarely do I come up with any clear answers. I wish life was more like math - every problem has a definite answer and there's a clear way to get to it (I know, I'm a nerd because I actually like math). Although, I suppose that would make life quite boring & pointless. I guess I just need to learn to enjoy the uncertainty & adventure of it all. :)
Lord, help me to trust you COMPLETELY! And help me to relax & enjoy the ride.
I think a lot of my worry comes from not wanting to do the wrong thing. I want to do God's will, but I don't always clearly know what that is. What if I make the wrong decision? What if my motives aren't right? How do I KNOW for sure?
It seems like most of my thoughts are questions that just lead to more questions & rarely do I come up with any clear answers. I wish life was more like math - every problem has a definite answer and there's a clear way to get to it (I know, I'm a nerd because I actually like math). Although, I suppose that would make life quite boring & pointless. I guess I just need to learn to enjoy the uncertainty & adventure of it all. :)
Lord, help me to trust you COMPLETELY! And help me to relax & enjoy the ride.
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Lukewarm
I’ve been thinking a lot about prayer and faith and God’s work in my life. I’ve always had a hard time being intentional about noticing the ways that God answers my prayers or pinpointing times that God is working or teaching me something. I know that God is active in my life and that He’s always moving all around me, but I don’t always take the time to see Him or listen to what He’s saying. One thing I think I need to do is be more specific and more persistent in prayer, but there are a few things that I’ve heard and read recently that have really challenged me as well.
One came from the book Crazy Love. In one super-convicting chapter about being Lukewarm Christians (which Chan says is really an oxymoron), he writes, “Lukewarm people do not live by faith; their lives are structured so they never have to…. The truth is, their lives wouldn’t look much different if they suddenly stopped believing in God.” That wasn’t exactly the most encouraging thing to read, but I guess truth is hard to take sometimes. Have I made my life so comfortable that I don’t need God? Sure, I face trials sometimes, but rarely anything that I can’t handle on my own or with the help of my friends or family. Although I know my first response should be to turn to God, if I’m completely honest, it doesn’t always happen that way. How often am I challenged to exercise true faith? Am I taking enough risks?
Another challenging thought came from my pastor, who basically said that we don’t experience miracles because we don’t put ourselves in position to need them. This goes along the same lines…we’re not challenged to exercise our faith because we live such cushioned lives. I believe that God is faithful and that He will always provide what I need, but I haven’t often had those beliefs put to the test.
Writing this actually scares me a bit because I know God often responds to things like this by challenging us. But I really do want an authentic faith. I definitely don’t want to be lukewarm.
“I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other! So, because you are lukewarm – neither hot nor cold – I am about to spit you out of my mouth.” ~Revelation 3:15
"
One came from the book Crazy Love. In one super-convicting chapter about being Lukewarm Christians (which Chan says is really an oxymoron), he writes, “Lukewarm people do not live by faith; their lives are structured so they never have to…. The truth is, their lives wouldn’t look much different if they suddenly stopped believing in God.” That wasn’t exactly the most encouraging thing to read, but I guess truth is hard to take sometimes. Have I made my life so comfortable that I don’t need God? Sure, I face trials sometimes, but rarely anything that I can’t handle on my own or with the help of my friends or family. Although I know my first response should be to turn to God, if I’m completely honest, it doesn’t always happen that way. How often am I challenged to exercise true faith? Am I taking enough risks?
Another challenging thought came from my pastor, who basically said that we don’t experience miracles because we don’t put ourselves in position to need them. This goes along the same lines…we’re not challenged to exercise our faith because we live such cushioned lives. I believe that God is faithful and that He will always provide what I need, but I haven’t often had those beliefs put to the test.
Writing this actually scares me a bit because I know God often responds to things like this by challenging us. But I really do want an authentic faith. I definitely don’t want to be lukewarm.
“I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other! So, because you are lukewarm – neither hot nor cold – I am about to spit you out of my mouth.” ~Revelation 3:15
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Babies
As I sat in church today, I watched people’s reactions to the baby a couple of rows in front of me. Almost everyone who walked by smiled at her, reached out to her, or made some sweet comment about her. Soon, another couple with a newborn baby came in and sat right in front of me and the same thing happened. And when the baby started fussing, people just looked over and smiled like it was the most precious thing they had ever heard. The crazy thing is that most of these people have never seen these babies before…they didn’t know the parents…they had no previous connection or relationship. Yet, they treat them with such love.
Babies possess this amazing, unexplainable magnetism. People can’t stay away from them. And people will do almost anything to make them (or keep them) happy.
As I observed all of this, I started to wonder when that all stops. At what age do people stop responding that way to kids? And why?
What if we treated everyone the way we treat babies? I’m not saying we should talk baby talk and pinch each other’s cheeks, but what if we smiled at everyone we met? What if we complimented each other and encouraged each other and were always excited to see each other (even people we didn’t know)? What if we loved unconditionally and did everything we could to help make each other’s lives better?
Instead of being quick to comfort those who are hurting and to meet their needs (like we do for babies), we are all too quick to turn away or ignore their cries for help.
What if we changed our perspective? How would it change the way we live?
Babies possess this amazing, unexplainable magnetism. People can’t stay away from them. And people will do almost anything to make them (or keep them) happy.
As I observed all of this, I started to wonder when that all stops. At what age do people stop responding that way to kids? And why?
What if we treated everyone the way we treat babies? I’m not saying we should talk baby talk and pinch each other’s cheeks, but what if we smiled at everyone we met? What if we complimented each other and encouraged each other and were always excited to see each other (even people we didn’t know)? What if we loved unconditionally and did everything we could to help make each other’s lives better?
Instead of being quick to comfort those who are hurting and to meet their needs (like we do for babies), we are all too quick to turn away or ignore their cries for help.
What if we changed our perspective? How would it change the way we live?
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Child of God
While I was working with my Kindergartners at church today, I realized how much their acceptance means to me. Sometimes I feel like I'm the kid who wants to fit in. I love when they remember my name & when they want me to play with them or hold their hand or want me to sit next to them. I don't always feel like going, but as soon as I'm there, I love it. I think a lot of times it does more to help me than I actually do for the kids.
There was one little girl there today whom I'd never seen before. She was really tiny & really quiet & looked much younger than the other kids. I tried to talk to her when she first got there, but she just acted really shy & went off to play somewhere else. Later, though, during the worship time, she came up next to me & wanted to hold my hand, then wanted me to pick her up. I held her while we were singing & she laid her head on my shoulder & completely relaxed. I think that's one of the best feelings in the world. And it was just as we were singing a song about being a child of God. It made me think of how much God must love us if He calls us his children. I didn't even know this little girl & I loved that she wanted to be close to me. How much more must God, our Father, love it when we want to crawl into His arms & surrender to Him. And why are we so reluctant to do so? It should be the place we most want to be.
There was one little girl there today whom I'd never seen before. She was really tiny & really quiet & looked much younger than the other kids. I tried to talk to her when she first got there, but she just acted really shy & went off to play somewhere else. Later, though, during the worship time, she came up next to me & wanted to hold my hand, then wanted me to pick her up. I held her while we were singing & she laid her head on my shoulder & completely relaxed. I think that's one of the best feelings in the world. And it was just as we were singing a song about being a child of God. It made me think of how much God must love us if He calls us his children. I didn't even know this little girl & I loved that she wanted to be close to me. How much more must God, our Father, love it when we want to crawl into His arms & surrender to Him. And why are we so reluctant to do so? It should be the place we most want to be.
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Crazy Love
I'm reading this book called Crazy Love: Overwhelmed by a Relentless God by Francis Chan. It's really good & challenges a lot about the way I view God. One of the analogies that Chan gives really stuck out to me. He tells the reader to imagine being an extra in a movie. You get really excited about the two-fifths of a second in the movie that the back of your head can be spotted in a huge crowd. You invite all of your friends & family to see this movie about you, except it's really not about you at all. They'd probably think you were crazy.... Chan says this is how we view life a lot of times. We think it's all about us, when in reality, our lives are just a breath... Who do we think we are? It's all about God. Period.
Chan writes, "We have only our two-fifths-of-a-second-long scene to live. I don't know about you, but I want my two-fifths of a second to be about making much of God."
I want to turn my perspective around.
Chan writes, "We have only our two-fifths-of-a-second-long scene to live. I don't know about you, but I want my two-fifths of a second to be about making much of God."
I want to turn my perspective around.
Prayer
So, it's been a really long time since I've done this & I don't really even know where to start...
One thing that I've been struggling with a lot lately (well, I guess not just lately, but I've been thinking about it a lot more recently) is prayer. I feel like I just pray the same thing over & over again, but I don't know what else to say. And then I get so stuck on asking for things that I forget that I should really be worshiping God, but whatever I say never seems good enough or genuine enough. I think I have a hard time transferring my love for God from my head to my heart. I know a lot of stuff about God, but I don't always feel it. I know my relationship shouldn't be built on feelings, but it should be part of it, right? I think I've heard & read things about God so many times that I'm not awed by them like I should be...I don't let myself really take it all in & let it change me. How do I do that? How can I change my perspective? And how can I get out of this prayer rut? I need to remember God more & forget about myself.
It's really not about me at all.
One thing that I've been struggling with a lot lately (well, I guess not just lately, but I've been thinking about it a lot more recently) is prayer. I feel like I just pray the same thing over & over again, but I don't know what else to say. And then I get so stuck on asking for things that I forget that I should really be worshiping God, but whatever I say never seems good enough or genuine enough. I think I have a hard time transferring my love for God from my head to my heart. I know a lot of stuff about God, but I don't always feel it. I know my relationship shouldn't be built on feelings, but it should be part of it, right? I think I've heard & read things about God so many times that I'm not awed by them like I should be...I don't let myself really take it all in & let it change me. How do I do that? How can I change my perspective? And how can I get out of this prayer rut? I need to remember God more & forget about myself.
It's really not about me at all.
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