Into the Wardrobe

Sometimes I think I live in Narnia.  Seriously.  I work about 20 minutes from home.  The other day it was beautiful, sunny, and dry when I left work, not a flake in the air.  My drive home was uneventful until I got to the Zeeland line, when all of a sudden it was a blizzard!  I felt like I had driven into an invisible wardrobe, right into the snowy forest in Narnia.  Oh, the dreaded 'lake effect.'  Welcome to December!  I would post some pictures, but that would require venturing out in the cold.  Maybe later...

What is Christmas, Anyway?

I have a struggle with Christmas.  I think it's wonderful that we set aside a time to celebrate the birth of our Savior, but I'm not sure what it really looks like to do that intentionally and genuinely.  Most people say that's what we're celebrating, but so many other things are so intertwined that Jesus often gets lost along the way.  I'm all for family gatherings, festive songs, parties, and even the gifts when given in moderation. (I can even look past the fact that Jesus was most likely not born in the winter at all.) But where does Santa and Black Friday and stress and "I want, I need, I wish..." fit amongst it all?  How do we reconcile these 'traditions' with what is supposed to be a celebration of a baby born in a feeding trough, sent to bring shalom (peace) to the chaos of the world?  Ask most Americans, and peace is not the first thing on their minds when it comes to the holiday season.  There's rushing and baking and buying and worrying and planning and wrapping.... How does this equal Jesus?  We rationalize by putting out a little nativity set next to the giant Christmas tree and going to the Christmas Eve service before coming home to put out cookies for Santa's big arrival. Ask any kid -- is the anticipation of Christmas about a baby born in Bethlehem or about a big man in a red suit at the North Pole?

Now, don't get me wrong.  I'm not saying I'm more spiritual than anyone else.  I'm not claiming to have the right focus myself.  I'm just trying to figure it all out.  My family has tried to made some changes to shift the focus from ourselves and to understand why we do what we do and what's really important.  But, it doesn't mean much to stop doing 'Christmas-y' things if we don't replace them with something to refocus on Jesus.  What can we do to truly celebrate Jesus?  What kind of new traditions can we start?  How can we make a positive difference without just looking critically at others?  Thoughts, anyone?

Things That Make Me Smile

I made this beautiful cup of coffee this morning....look at that foam! :)  I was pretty proud!

The sky on my way home the other night...I love when you can see the rays of sunlight.

Miss these people like crazy! Got to talk to two of them this weekend, which always puts a smile on my face.

Happy Halloween!

Halloween is such a strange holiday.  Who came up with it anyway?  Let's all dress our kids up in ridiculous costumes and send them door to door demanding candy from the neighbors we never even talk to.  And somehow, the whole country jumped on board!  Hmm... I must say I do love to see little bitty kids in cute, creative costumes, but I hate the creepy ones (costumes, that is, not kids!).  It's a funny world we live in.

Just For Fun

A few fun shots from this past weekend:

We went to lunch at the Chinese Buffet, and here's what we saw on our way out. Apparently, even the gumball machines are feeling the economic downturn.

My parents stop to take a picture of this cart every year.  Looks like fall!

And, finally...evidence that my dog really is a freak!  She won't sit still in the car and kept jumping up on my dad's target box thingy.  Apparently it wasn't sitting flat on the floor.  Ha!

Language Barrier

I've read and heard lots of different things about prayer all my life. Some people say you're supposed to be very specific and ask big things of God, expecting in faith that he will answer. And I've heard testimony of how this has proven true in many people's lives.

And then on the other extreme, I've been told that we are not to expect anything from God. Not that we think God won't work in big ways, but we are not God and we are not entitled to anything so we should not expect anything from him. He does not work according to our plans.

So, where's the balance between the two? If I live according to the first philosophy, I end up treating prayer like a magic formula...always trying to say the right thing and be careful with my words, afraid of asking in the wrong way and getting something I didn't intend, or not having a big enough faith to get the results I'm hoping for.

This kind of thinking puts a lot of focus and control on me. It makes me responsible for the good and the bad -- I prayed well & had a lot of faith, or I didn't do it right & didn't believe enough. I'm pretty sure God doesn't work that way. I'm pretty sure it's not really about me at all.

But then if I take the second approach, I think what's the point in praying at all? God's got it all figured out already. Why does what I say matter? What difference does it make? I should just accept things as they come.

However, I know that can't be right either. Jesus clearly taught his disciples to pray. I know God wants me to talk to him.

But what am I supposed to say? What am I supposed to ask or not ask? Expect or not expect?

It's all so confusing.

Or maybe I'm just making it more complicated than necessary.

Thoughts?

Brrr

It's only the beginning of October and already I hate getting out of bed because it's COLD! Mostly, I'm probably just a wimp, but I really don't like being cold! Luckily for me, I currently have a job that doesn't start til after noon, so I can cuddle up in my pjs & a blanket with a cup of coffee and read my Bible or check emails and such. And by the time I actually have to go outside, I'm pleasantly surprised to find that it's pretty nice out. The only problem here is that I think I need to dress in sweaters and turtlenecks and then I go out and start sweating! haha

I've always had a hard time enjoying fall because I know it means winter is on its way. I'm trying, though... It really is a pretty time of year. I should not complain!



Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.
Matthew 6:34

I Want to Say Something...

...But I'm not sure what it is.

I feel like there's so much in my head that I want to say, but I can't quite make sense of any of it.

I wish my thinking & my writing impulses would do a better job of coordinating themselves!

Tour of Downtowns

It's been an eventful weekend already & it's only Saturday afternoon! :)

Yesterday my mom, grandma & I went over to check out the estate sale at my great gram's house. I wish I had some pictures because it was definitely picture-worthy. It was crazy to see how much stuff she fit into her little house! We rescued an old slide projector and brought it home and got to check out some pictures of my mom as a little one!

Next, my mom & I headed downtown Grand Rapids for ArtPrize. We walked around for 4 hours & only saw a small sampling of the many amazing art pieces.

Here are a couple of my favorites:

A giant penny made of over 84,000 pennies!


Shelves of 'dream jars' -- mason jars filled with items representing all different people's dreams. The tags tell what the dreams were about. Pretty interesting!


And a cute giraffe that I made friends with!


If you live near GR, you should go check it out...there's some amazing stuff!


This morning, we decided to go downtown Holland to check out the Fire Truck parade and the fruit & vegetable carving competition.

Cool Fire Truck


Under the Sea Carving



Finally, we headed downtown Zeeland to see the kids' costume contest.

This was one of my favorites! Some adorable veggie babies!



Go find some fun fall festivities & support your local community!

Who is this Jesus?

Does it ever baffle you that so many people can claim to follow the same Jesus and yet live by such different standards, teach such different things, interpret his words in such different ways, and worship him in such different churches? I believe some of this can be attributed to the diversity and creativity of our God, but I also think some of it has to do with not truly knowing this Jesus we call our Savior.

It's no wonder non-believers have such a hard time accepting him.

I'm not trying to be condescending of Christians. I know a lot of great people who are living like Jesus. I know I don't always do a great job myself.

It's just interesting...what's to believe...who's really got it right?

I guess it all goes back to the Bible. May that be the only source of our Truth.

Hope & Disappointment

Sometimes I have a hard time planning things with people or getting excited about things because I'm afraid of being disappointed. This may seem silly, but I would much rather avoid the situation altogether, rather than getting my hopes up and then being let down. On the flip side, this sometimes makes me hesitant to commit to things because I don't want to be the one to disappoint others if I'm unable to follow through.

I realize that people aren't perfect, they don't always keep every commitment, circumstances change, and so on...such is life. But I have this fear, this doubt...which, as you can imagine, doesn't lead to a very exciting life!

In reading Romans this morning, I realized that I have this fear with God as well. Now, with people, it's somewhat warranted, but I know with God, it's just ridiculous. Romans 5:3-5 says, "We also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us."

I know the truth -- Hope in God will not disappoint us because God is faithful--always and forever. He won't leave us or forsake us.

But I'm still scared.

Of praying for something & not getting an answer.

Of seeking & not finding.

Of feeling let down.

I know the truth is that this isn't a failure on God's part, it's a lack of my own faith.

I know it in my head. I need it in my heart.

The Church

Over the past several years, I have visited LOTS of different churches. Churches of all shapes and sizes and denominations with all different types of people. All have their good and bad qualities, and I know there's no such thing as the perfect church, but I'd have to say that the vast majority seem to have it all wrong. The focus of so many churches seems to be attracting people. And they will go to great lengths to make themselves attractive to the world, even if it means looking more like the world than like Christ. They want to entertain people, to make them feel comfortable, even to impress them. And they do an excellent job of this. A lot of churches are good at 'doing church' and making people feel good. But there's something missing in all of this.

I've been reading the book 'Radical' by David Platt, in which he talks about how we've so intertwined Christianity with the American Dream that a lot of American Christians don't know the difference.

About America's churches (his included) David writes, "But what is strangely lacking in the picture of performances, personalities, programs, and professionals is desperation for the power of God. God’s power is at best an add-on to our strategies. I am frightened by the reality that the church I lead can carry on most of our activities smoothly, efficiently, even successfully, never realizing that the Holy Spirit of God is virtually absent from the picture."

We're not dependent on the power of God. We've created such comfortable lives that we don't NEED him. We can fool ourselves into believing that we're living a Christian life when Christ is not even a part of it. It's frightening, really. Are we really this blind?

I'm not sure what the answer is here. It's something I've been wondering for a long time. What does a church of God's design actually look like? Where can I find one? Or better yet, how can I help my church to become one?

We need to be desperate.

We need to make room for God.

Pictures to Hold You Over

I hardly ever write on here because I'm always waiting for some great revelation that rarely comes. Or I just don't know how to write it down. I have lots of 'almost posts' in my head, but nothing that amounts to much.

So, in the meantime, here are some words of encouragement for you:



Some recent fun:




And some exciting news...debt free! Woohoo! :)



So, that's my randomness for now. I'll try to formulate something thoughtful soon. ;)

Memories of Egypt

I heard a sermon last week about the Israelites wandering in the desert and 'remembering' how great it had been to live in Egypt. As they complained about their plight in the desert and spent time dwelling on their current circumstances, they suddenly remembered Egypt with fondness...instead of remembering their slavery and oppression, they remembered being well fed and taken care of. Instead of opening their eyes to see how God was providing for them in the desert, they conveniently forgot about how horrible Pharaoh had been to them and their families.

I've been thinking about this lately in relation to my selective memory. It's easy to be discontent with where I'm at and think of how great I used to have it...living on a lake, surrounded by friends, a desk job...it sounds wonderful and appealing, and sometimes, like the Israelites, I wonder why I left. But if I'm really honest with myself, I have to remember the bad things too. I don't need to go into detail, but it wasn't perfect. When I was there, I 'remembered' other times and places with fondness too and wished I could have those things back. It's hard to be content.

Why is it that when we're in the middle of a situation, we so clearly see the bad things and find anything to complain about, but when we look back, we see the good and wish for it back or wish we had enjoyed it more? Why not focus on the good while we've got it?

At this moment, I'm sitting at a coffee shop downtown. The sun is shining, there's a nice breeze, I have no place to be for the next few hours. What a blessing. I could complain about why I have this free time...I was a bit annoyed this morning when I found out some other plans had been cancelled, but if that hadn't been so, I wouldn't have had this opportunity to enjoy one of the last days of summer. So that's what I intend to do. :)

I started this post thinking I would write about some other 'days gone by' that I've been thinking of after visiting my old neighborhood in VA, but that can wait for another day. I don't want to miss this one!

Favorite Birthday Memories

This being my 24th birthday and all, I thought I would take some time to reflect on birthdays gone by...

Here are some of my best birthday memories throughout the years:

--The birthday when I was around 6 or 7 and I was too sick to have friends over, but that meant my brother and I got the pinata all to ourselves :P

--When I turned 9 and had a 'kidnapped' party, which was a surprise to the guests...we woke them all up out of bed and brought them to our house in their pajamas to have a morning pj party

--When I was 10 or 11 and my friends & I made ice cream in coffee cans

--One of my college years when Andrea came to visit and we had 'brownie poop'

--My special birthday date with Dave last year out on a boat on Gull Lake

--And all the cakes I've shared throughout the years with my grandma & great grandma, who have birthdays close by...this year we share 205 years!



Happy Birthday Grandmas!

A Project

My mom & I picked this up from the side of the road. It had a FREE sign, so we finagled it into our car and brought it home. It has been sitting in our basement ever since, but I've decided to finally take it on. I started sanding and now need some paint. I'm thinking just white...any suggestions?

The Fraidy Cat Thrill Seeker

There's nothing I love more than a good thrill. I love to ride the biggest rollercoasters, go down the zip line, jump from the Pamper Pole at camp, and the one that tops the list was skydiving a couple years ago. I love a good healthy dose of fear...that little bit of uneasiness in the pit of your stomach just before you take the risk.

But then there's that other type of fear...

It seems so silly now, really. But at 3:30am I heard the doorbell ring. And I froze. I started imagining all sorts of terrible things. I started hearing noises. I was afraid to get up and afraid to fall asleep. My mind was going crazy. And really there was no rational reason to be afraid. I didn't even know if I really heard it or if I had just dreamed it.

People have died from jumping out of airplanes, and that didn't bother me the least bit. But I'm paralyzed by a doorbell?!

It's amazing to me the power that fear can have over me. Both mentally and physically. How it can seize my whole being. Even if it is irrational and unfounded. I hate it. And it's amazing, also, how now in the daylight it just seems foolish. I can see clearly now that there was nothing to fear. But in the moment, in the dark, it's so real.

-----

Sometimes I wish I could shed some of that daylight onto the 'dark' and uncertain parts of my life. To stop worrying about the unknown and step boldly ahead with feelings of anticipation and excitement for the thrills to come rather than fear of what could be.

I was reminded of this quote from Helen Keller, "Life is either a daring adventure or nothing. Security does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than exposure."

I want to live a daring adventure. I know I hold too tightly to security, and most of the time it's false security anyway. I know that the only real security is found in Christ.

Hebrews 13:5-6 God has said, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." So we say with confidence, "The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?"


It's worth the leap...

Life as of lately...

It's strange to have arrived at the stage in life where the year does not start with fall and end with summer vacation. I feel like summer coming to an end should mean change - in work or school or location, but it doesn't anymore. That's a hard adjustment to make.

I'm ready for change. This summer has been great -- I've enjoyed having a 'real' summer for once, spending time with family, going to weddings, visiting grandparents, and so on. But I'm getting antsy. I enjoy my job, but 15 hours a week doesn't add up to much and leaves a lot of time to fill. I'm ready for a new job. A new adventure. A new place? Something.

It's been a summer of job applications and cover letters and resumes. It's frustrating to apply for so many jobs and never hear a word. I've had one interview, but no news so far. I finally have another interview today at a different place. Not sure that it would be my top pick, but a full time job and experience would be a plus. I'll keep ya posted.


I spent hours chatting with these lovely ladies yesterday...so refreshing! There's nothing better than good friends! :)

I'm Back!

So, I know it may seem like I've dropped off the face of the earth, but no worries...I'm still here! Usually I just don't think I have much to say. Maybe this new look will motivate me to write something once in a while. We'll see...

Stay tuned.

Taking Another Look

“What would your church (and the worldwide church) look like if everyone was as committed as you are? If everyone gave and served and prayed exactly like you, would the church be healthy and empowered? Or would it be weak and listless?” (Francis Chan, Forgotten God)

I feel like I'm in a constant cycle of reading things like this and being totally convicted and wanting to do something about it then slowly forgetting that feeling and starting to think I'm doing okay and then hearing or reading something again that brings conviction...and so on... But what am I doing? And what does it really matter if I feel convicted but don't do anything about it? Squat.

Sound familiar?

James 1:22-25: But don’t just listen to God’s word. You must do what it says. Otherwise, you are only fooling yourselves. For if you listen to the word and don’t obey, it is like glancing at your face in a mirror. You see yourself, walk away, and forget what you look like. But if you look carefully into the perfect law that sets you free, and if you do what it says and don’t forget what you heard, then God will bless you for doing it.

Guilty.

Now what?

Impressions

I love how God brings people into my life in unexpected ways just when I need them. And how he brings people back again and again at just the right times. I especially love when he puts someone in my path who (on first impression) drives me crazy and I think I could never be friends with and then we become great friends. I like when God proves me wrong like that. When he opens my eyes to things beyond the surface and reminds me that I can't judge based on the outside. When I can see that everyone has insecurities just like me. I'm glad he knows better than me, and that he doesn't let me stop at my first impression.

Words of Wisdom from Lewis

I've been reading Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis, and I love how he puts into words things we often overlook. A lot of his thoughts are not profound, but they express things that we don't always take the time to notice.

I like this quote taken from a chapter on marriage (but it applies to life in general):

"Our experience is coloured through and through by books and plays and the cinema, and it takes patience and skill to disentangle the things we have really learned from life for ourselves."

Lewis explains that it's harder than we think for us to separate and distinguish what we've learned from real life experience and what we've seen in movies or on TV or read in books. Much of what we think of as reality isn't reality at all. Scary, huh? What's colouring your experience?

Random tidbits:

Why does the weather have to be terrible when I want to go somewhere? Or is it really that I just want to go somewhere because it's a blizzard outside (and I know I can't)?

When I had made a pretty certain decision that I wasn't going to do grad school, I got my acceptance letter in the mail. I'm still pretty sure that it's not what I should do right now, but the fact that I got accepted almost makes me want to do it. Almost.

Did you know that tradition says the apostle John was plunged into a vat of boiling oil and came out unharmed? Crazy.

I have an obsession with picking fuzz off of sweaters and socks. It drives me crazy sometimes, but I can't stop.

I think Valentine's Day should only be celebrated in elementary school classrooms.

I'm beginning to not like Sundays. It's the day that everyone but me has things to do. I used to like time to myself, but not so much anymore. Hobby suggestions anyone?

I keep thinking I'm going to arrive at some point in life and everything is going to come together, but I'm realizing that there's no such thing. I'm learning that I've got my priorities all wrong. I'm not going to be fulfilled when I find a certain job or marry a certain person or move to a certain place. The only thing that really matters is glorifying God no matter where I'm at or who I'm with (although I'm not always sure what that looks like on a day-to-day basis..I'm learning). The things that really count are relationships not accomplishments. In the last few weeks when I've needed a friend, I've been challenged to reflect on what kind of friend I am to others. I'm realizing that I don't always do a very good job. I'm not always the kind of friend I'd like to have. Growth is good even if it's painful at times.