Taking Another Look

“What would your church (and the worldwide church) look like if everyone was as committed as you are? If everyone gave and served and prayed exactly like you, would the church be healthy and empowered? Or would it be weak and listless?” (Francis Chan, Forgotten God)

I feel like I'm in a constant cycle of reading things like this and being totally convicted and wanting to do something about it then slowly forgetting that feeling and starting to think I'm doing okay and then hearing or reading something again that brings conviction...and so on... But what am I doing? And what does it really matter if I feel convicted but don't do anything about it? Squat.

Sound familiar?

James 1:22-25: But don’t just listen to God’s word. You must do what it says. Otherwise, you are only fooling yourselves. For if you listen to the word and don’t obey, it is like glancing at your face in a mirror. You see yourself, walk away, and forget what you look like. But if you look carefully into the perfect law that sets you free, and if you do what it says and don’t forget what you heard, then God will bless you for doing it.

Guilty.

Now what?

Impressions

I love how God brings people into my life in unexpected ways just when I need them. And how he brings people back again and again at just the right times. I especially love when he puts someone in my path who (on first impression) drives me crazy and I think I could never be friends with and then we become great friends. I like when God proves me wrong like that. When he opens my eyes to things beyond the surface and reminds me that I can't judge based on the outside. When I can see that everyone has insecurities just like me. I'm glad he knows better than me, and that he doesn't let me stop at my first impression.

Words of Wisdom from Lewis

I've been reading Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis, and I love how he puts into words things we often overlook. A lot of his thoughts are not profound, but they express things that we don't always take the time to notice.

I like this quote taken from a chapter on marriage (but it applies to life in general):

"Our experience is coloured through and through by books and plays and the cinema, and it takes patience and skill to disentangle the things we have really learned from life for ourselves."

Lewis explains that it's harder than we think for us to separate and distinguish what we've learned from real life experience and what we've seen in movies or on TV or read in books. Much of what we think of as reality isn't reality at all. Scary, huh? What's colouring your experience?

Random tidbits:

Why does the weather have to be terrible when I want to go somewhere? Or is it really that I just want to go somewhere because it's a blizzard outside (and I know I can't)?

When I had made a pretty certain decision that I wasn't going to do grad school, I got my acceptance letter in the mail. I'm still pretty sure that it's not what I should do right now, but the fact that I got accepted almost makes me want to do it. Almost.

Did you know that tradition says the apostle John was plunged into a vat of boiling oil and came out unharmed? Crazy.

I have an obsession with picking fuzz off of sweaters and socks. It drives me crazy sometimes, but I can't stop.

I think Valentine's Day should only be celebrated in elementary school classrooms.

I'm beginning to not like Sundays. It's the day that everyone but me has things to do. I used to like time to myself, but not so much anymore. Hobby suggestions anyone?

I keep thinking I'm going to arrive at some point in life and everything is going to come together, but I'm realizing that there's no such thing. I'm learning that I've got my priorities all wrong. I'm not going to be fulfilled when I find a certain job or marry a certain person or move to a certain place. The only thing that really matters is glorifying God no matter where I'm at or who I'm with (although I'm not always sure what that looks like on a day-to-day basis..I'm learning). The things that really count are relationships not accomplishments. In the last few weeks when I've needed a friend, I've been challenged to reflect on what kind of friend I am to others. I'm realizing that I don't always do a very good job. I'm not always the kind of friend I'd like to have. Growth is good even if it's painful at times.

Waiting

Ever since I was a little kid, it’s been exciting to think about the future and to look forward to the next step. I’ve never been afraid of what’s ahead because the path has always been certain and clear. I always thought I would graduate from college and move somewhere nice and get a job as a teacher and get married and have a family and that everything would just fall into place. I didn’t plan on feeling uncertain about teaching. I didn’t plan on staying in Michigan. I didn’t plan on staying at camp. I didn’t plan on a lot of things… And not living according to a plan scares me. I like knowing what’s ahead. I like being in control. Really, maybe it’s just that I like for things to be easy.

Now when I think about the future, it makes me uneasy. What if I can’t find a job? What kind of job should I even look for? Where will I go? Where will I live? What if I’ve forgotten everything that I learned? What if I can’t take enough classes soon enough to keep my teaching license? Where do I even begin? What if everyone moves on and grows up except for me? What if life doesn't turn out like I imagined?

I heard this song on the radio on my way home tonight:

I will move ahead, bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience
While I'm waiting
I will serve You
While I'm waiting
I will worship
While I'm waiting
I will not faint
I'll be running the race
Even while I wait

I know that this should be my attitude. I know that God is in control and that his plan is better than anything I could plan for myself. But it’s not easy to wait and to trust and to be patient. The “what ifs” always come back.

I know there are much worse things that could be happening in my life. I really am thankful for all the blessings that have been showered upon me. I know I have nothing to worry about. I just need to surrender. Let go. And wait.