Lots to Think About, Nothing to Worry About

Winter Wonderland

2012-01-14T20:11:00.000-05:00

I'm not usually a big fan of winter, but the last couple weeks have been truly beautiful. I am continually reminded of the beauty of our Creator as I drive to and from work -- from the stunning sunrise mirroring the full moon still in the sky in the morning to the blanket of snow perfectly coating every tree branch...I've been loving it!

Isn't He beautiful?

Tradition

2011-11-02T21:32:00.002-04:00

I come from a family of few traditions. (Last year's family Christmas gathering consisted of a Wii tournament, no tree, no stockings...you get the idea. This is not at all a bad thing...we have a great time, just different from what most people expect!)

But, don't worry, some of my closest friends are the traditional type.

Last weekend, I had the great pleasure of watching "It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown" again with my Andrea (all the Charlie Brown holiday specials were "must-sees" in our college dorm room) and sharing it with Miles for the first time!

Cutest pumpkin I've ever seen!

And then, Sarah and I participated in our annual "Take Silly Pictures with the Meijer Christmas Decorations" tradition. We're weird, I know...

We actually got a head start a couple weeks ago with the winter hats....

Cheap entertainment...what can I say?

The holidays are officially here!

Ready or not...

2011-09-07T21:44:00.000-04:00

...Here it comes!

While Facebook's all abuzz about apple cider and donuts and hoodies, I'm not ready to give in just yet. I have kind of a love/hate relationship with fall. I love the colors and the crispness and the apples and the cider, but I just hate to see summer end AND it also means that winter is on its way (and winter always comes way too soon and lasts way too long). It's bittersweet, I guess.

I learned awhile back (well, maybe just a couple years ago...) that it's inevitable. Summer will end whether I like it or not and fall will come...then the dreaded winter. And I can be mad about it, but it doesn't stop it from coming. Or I can come to terms with it and try to enjoy it. It's hard, though. I have to do a lot of talking myself into it. So, I'm trying...but I don't think I'm there quite yet.

Summer, don't go! I want more of this...

Dave, excited for his Stomach Stuffer burger...mmm...

View of the Bay on bike ride from Petoskey to Charlevoix

My lovely parents

Surprise along the way...c'mere deer

View from a coffee shop in Charlevoix...made it under cover just in time for a rainstorm!

Handsome guy

Mackinaw City

Well, we had planned on walking the Bridge...

...until we got up at 5am and it was cold and rainy and we wimped out! Dad and Grandpa braved it, though! Good thing we didn't actually buy the t-shirts! ha!

I got to ride on a fire truck! :)

Oh summer, don't go. Not yet.

2011-08-20T13:35:00.000-04:00

Well, I haven't had too many words lately, but here are some more fun pics as a quick update. Trip to Louisville, KY with Dave and our friends Ben & Ashley.

Welcome to Kentucky!

Beautiful park right in the city.

We got a tour of Gilda's Club...beautiful place!

Some of Dave's fun photography...with a little editing by me.

Yummy BBQ place!

Ice cream makes everyone happy.

Me & Dave.

Cool fountain in the park...

...but apparently you're not supposed to play in it. :(

Perfect day for the park.

Dave's a rock climber.

Why wouldn't you have crazy chickens in the city?

Home of the Kentucky Derby...

...and the Louisville Slugger.

Awesome city...go visit if you get the chance!

Snapshots of Summer

2011-07-10T17:18:00.000-04:00

Not a whole lot to say, but here's a look at what I've been up to this summer. Fun times with friends & fam!

Plant Sale Up Close

2011-05-16T19:43:00.002-04:00

Don't Let It Get Away...

2011-05-10T21:59:00.001-04:00

Spring is finally here! I seem to appreciate it more and more every year. After so much waiting and anticipation, I just want to drink in all the beauty of the green grass and the new leaves and the beautiful flowers. This year I have been particularly enamored by the tulips. (Now, this is quite the development seeing how much I hated tulips -- and all things Dutch -- when we first moved to the Holland area! Just ask my parents.)

There is a certain group of tulips along the driveway at work that I just LOVE. There are little clusters of yellow and red and pink and orange and I think they're just perfect. Every time I drive by I just want to stop and stare. I wish there was some way to bottle them up. They make me so happy, but at the same time I feel a twinge of sadness...for I know the beauty is temporary. In a couple weeks, they'll wither and fade. Then it will be another whole year before I'll be able to enjoy them again.

Why is it that we can't fully embrace joy without a little hint of sadness? Every good thing in life seems to come with some sort of string attached. But I suppose I wouldn't appreciate the beauty quite so much if it were there all the time.

So I try to be aware...to notice the little things...to enjoy them while they last. And to marvel at how wonderfully creative our God is!

Lots of Laughs

2011-03-30T19:49:00.000-04:00

This last month has been crazy...working 10+ hour days, 7 days a week...going, going, going. And now it's all over. The Festival is done and I feel like I'm coming off the summer camp high all over again. It's great to have free time and to get back to normal, but it's also a little bit of a letdown. What do people do with free time?? I also have next week off....I don't know what I'll do with myself!

Highlights of the Festival:
Learning LOTS about tickets, website updates, merchandise sales and tons more
Seeing Bill Cosby
Watching a full house of inner-city school kids clapping and dancing at a kids concert
The amazing teamwork among our staff
Our wonderful volunteers
Seeing the support and excitement of the community
Watching almost 1000 people throw rubber chickens!

2011-03-23T20:57:00.000-04:00

Life has been crazy this past month. Friday will be my first day off in about a month! Update coming soon!

Snow Day

2011-02-02T11:36:00.000-05:00

It's funny how weather unites people. How even adults get excited about 'snow days.' I just walked to the entrance of our neighborhood and was greeted by more neighbors than I've even seen in the last month, much less spoken to. I even had a short conversation with a guy who was smoking a cigar while watching is son snow-blow half of the street so they could go to work tomorrow. People complain about being snowed-in and how the plows won't come for days...but secretly they enjoy it...they like the adventure, the digging out, the feeling like they're 'roughing it.' By no means is this really a crisis...I'm sure all my neighbors have plenty of food and other necessities, along with all the latest electronic devices to keep them occupied and even connected to work. But there's still just something about a snow day that thrills us all and makes even grown men feel like kids again. :) Happy Snow Day to all!

Praise God!!

2011-01-15T16:38:00.000-05:00

As of Friday, I now officially have a full-time job with benefits and paid vacation! Woo hoo! God is good! (I was originally hired in December on temporary contract, but now it's the real deal.) It's exciting to work for a place that has a positive impact on the community and to work alongside great people who are so welcoming and encouraging. I'm starting to feel a little like a grown-up!

In other news, it is definitely winter around here! The snow just keeps coming every day. It has been pretty and I haven't hated it yet...hopefully this continues for the long haul....or, rather, hopefully the snow isn't here for the long haul!

Nothing else very newsworthy to report. I've been lacking in blog inspiration lately. Maybe next week...

End of the Year Update

2011-01-05T18:58:00.000-05:00

Well, I guess it's been a while...

We had a wonderful Christmas and enjoyed having my brother home, as well as seeing cousins from out of state. It's been years since we've all been together, so that was a blessing. Instead of exchanging gifts this year, we had a family Wii tournament starting Christmas Eve and finishing up on Christmas day. We played two games of bowling, 3 holes of golf, and one round of cow racing. It was lots of fun with some good competition. My mom thought she had it in the bag until Dave came on Christmas and surprised everyone with his amazing cow racing skills! He came in first place and got to choose the charity that everyone would contribute to. Fun times!

I ended up back at Gull Lake for the New Year's Conference. (I stopped by a few days before and somehow got talked into it!) It sounded like a great idea until the end of the first night when I was exhausted and aching all over! It was strange being in 'my' kitchen and dining room and feeling like I knew nothing (a new chef started since I've been gone and all of the processes have changed) and also not knowing a majority of the staff since I wasn't there this summer. It was humbling, but good for me. :) I ended up really enjoying the weekend, even though it was a lot of hard work. It felt good to be doing something productive and it was fun to see so many families that I knew from summers past. It makes me feel old to see how much some of the kids have grown since my first summer!

I had a memorable start to 2011 when I came down with the stomach flu the other day! Luckily it was the 24 hour variety and I'm feeling much better now. It definitely reminded me to be thankful for good health and feeling normal!

I started a new job in December doing administrative work for a cancer and grief support organization. They're putting on a huge comedy festival in March, featuring Betty White and Bill Cosby among many other well-known comedians, so that's my main focus. It's pretty exciting to be a part of! The festival will raise money to support the organization and is shaping up to be quite the event!

I'll try to be more faithful in the blogging in 2011. No promises or resolutions, though. ;) Depends on how interesting my life shapes up to be!

Into the Wardrobe

2010-12-10T22:06:00.000-05:00

Sometimes I think I live in Narnia. Seriously. I work about 20 minutes from home. The other day it was beautiful, sunny, and dry when I left work, not a flake in the air. My drive home was uneventful until I got to the Zeeland line, when all of a sudden it was a blizzard! I felt like I had driven into an invisible wardrobe, right into the snowy forest in Narnia. Oh, the dreaded 'lake effect.' Welcome to December! I would post some pictures, but that would require venturing out in the cold. Maybe later...

What is Christmas, Anyway?

2010-12-05T15:01:00.001-05:00

I have a struggle with Christmas. I think it's wonderful that we set aside a time to celebrate the birth of our Savior, but I'm not sure what it really looks like to do that intentionally and genuinely. Most people say that's what we're celebrating, but so many other things are so intertwined that Jesus often gets lost along the way. I'm all for family gatherings, festive songs, parties, and even the gifts when given in moderation. (I can even look past the fact that Jesus was most likely not born in the winter at all.) But where does Santa and Black Friday and stress and "I want, I need, I wish..." fit amongst it all? How do we reconcile these 'traditions' with what is supposed to be a celebration of a baby born in a feeding trough, sent to bring shalom (peace) to the chaos of the world? Ask most Americans, and peace is not the first thing on their minds when it comes to the holiday season. There's rushing and baking and buying and worrying and planning and wrapping.... How does this equal Jesus? We rationalize by putting out a little nativity set next to the giant Christmas tree and going to the Christmas Eve service before coming home to put out cookies for Santa's big arrival. Ask any kid -- is the anticipation of Christmas about a baby born in Bethlehem or about a big man in a red suit at the North Pole?

Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not saying I'm more spiritual than anyone else. I'm not claiming to have the right focus myself. I'm just trying to figure it all out. My family has tried to made some changes to shift the focus from ourselves and to understand why we do what we do and what's really important. But, it doesn't mean much to stop doing 'Christmas-y' things if we don't replace them with something to refocus on Jesus. What can we do to truly celebrate Jesus? What kind of new traditions can we start? How can we make a positive difference without just looking critically at others? Thoughts, anyone?

Things That Make Me Smile

2010-11-06T13:24:00.000-04:00

I made this beautiful cup of coffee this morning....look at that foam! :) I was pretty proud!

This is one of my new favorites!

The sky on my way home the other night...I love when you can see the rays of sunlight.

Miss these people like crazy! Got to talk to two of them this weekend, which always puts a smile on my face.

Happy Halloween!

2010-10-31T20:35:00.000-04:00

Halloween is such a strange holiday. Who came up with it anyway? Let's all dress our kids up in ridiculous costumes and send them door to door demanding candy from the neighbors we never even talk to. And somehow, the whole country jumped on board! Hmm... I must say I do love to see little bitty kids in cute, creative costumes, but I hate the creepy ones (costumes, that is, not kids!). It's a funny world we live in.

Just For Fun

2010-10-14T13:09:00.000-04:00

A few fun shots from this past weekend:

We went to lunch at the Chinese Buffet, and here's what we saw on our way out. Apparently, even the gumball machines are feeling the economic downturn.

My parents stop to take a picture of this cart every year. Looks like fall!

And, finally...evidence that my dog really is a freak! She won't sit still in the car and kept jumping up on my dad's target box thingy. Apparently it wasn't sitting flat on the floor. Ha!

Language Barrier

2010-10-12T10:01:00.000-04:00

I've read and heard lots of different things about prayer all my life. Some people say you're supposed to be very specific and ask big things of God, expecting in faith that he will answer. And I've heard testimony of how this has proven true in many people's lives.

And then on the other extreme, I've been told that we are not to expect anything from God. Not that we think God won't work in big ways, but we are not God and we are not entitled to anything so we should not expect anything from him. He does not work according to our plans.

So, where's the balance between the two? If I live according to the first philosophy, I end up treating prayer like a magic formula...always trying to say the right thing and be careful with my words, afraid of asking in the wrong way and getting something I didn't intend, or not having a big enough faith to get the results I'm hoping for.

This kind of thinking puts a lot of focus and control on me. It makes me responsible for the good and the bad -- I prayed well & had a lot of faith, or I didn't do it right & didn't believe enough. I'm pretty sure God doesn't work that way. I'm pretty sure it's not really about me at all.

But then if I take the second approach, I think what's the point in praying at all? God's got it all figured out already. Why does what I say matter? What difference does it make? I should just accept things as they come.

However, I know that can't be right either. Jesus clearly taught his disciples to pray. I know God wants me to talk to him.

But what am I supposed to say? What am I supposed to ask or not ask? Expect or not expect?

It's all so confusing.

Or maybe I'm just making it more complicated than necessary.

Thoughts?

Brrr

2010-10-06T10:36:00.001-04:00

It's only the beginning of October and already I hate getting out of bed because it's COLD! Mostly, I'm probably just a wimp, but I really don't like being cold! Luckily for me, I currently have a job that doesn't start til after noon, so I can cuddle up in my pjs & a blanket with a cup of coffee and read my Bible or check emails and such. And by the time I actually have to go outside, I'm pleasantly surprised to find that it's pretty nice out. The only problem here is that I think I need to dress in sweaters and turtlenecks and then I go out and start sweating! haha

I've always had a hard time enjoying fall because I know it means winter is on its way. I'm trying, though... It really is a pretty time of year. I should not complain!

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.
Matthew 6:34

I Want to Say Something...

2010-10-05T12:25:00.001-04:00

...But I'm not sure what it is.

I feel like there's so much in my head that I want to say, but I can't quite make sense of any of it.

I wish my thinking & my writing impulses would do a better job of coordinating themselves!

Tour of Downtowns

2010-10-02T14:08:00.000-04:00

It's been an eventful weekend already & it's only Saturday afternoon! :)

Yesterday my mom, grandma & I went over to check out the estate sale at my great gram's house. I wish I had some pictures because it was definitely picture-worthy. It was crazy to see how much stuff she fit into her little house! We rescued an old slide projector and brought it home and got to check out some pictures of my mom as a little one!

Next, my mom & I headed downtown Grand Rapids for ArtPrize. We walked around for 4 hours & only saw a small sampling of the many amazing art pieces.

Here are a couple of my favorites:

A giant penny made of over 84,000 pennies!

Shelves of 'dream jars' -- mason jars filled with items representing all different people's dreams. The tags tell what the dreams were about. Pretty interesting!

And a cute giraffe that I made friends with!

If you live near GR, you should go check it out...there's some amazing stuff!

This morning, we decided to go downtown Holland to check out the Fire Truck parade and the fruit & vegetable carving competition.

Cool Fire Truck

Under the Sea Carving

Finally, we headed downtown Zeeland to see the kids' costume contest.

This was one of my favorites! Some adorable veggie babies!

Go find some fun fall festivities & support your local community!

Who is this Jesus?

2010-09-30T12:12:00.000-04:00

Does it ever baffle you that so many people can claim to follow the same Jesus and yet live by such different standards, teach such different things, interpret his words in such different ways, and worship him in such different churches? I believe some of this can be attributed to the diversity and creativity of our God, but I also think some of it has to do with not truly knowing this Jesus we call our Savior.

It's no wonder non-believers have such a hard time accepting him.

I'm not trying to be condescending of Christians. I know a lot of great people who are living like Jesus. I know I don't always do a great job myself.

It's just interesting...what's to believe...who's really got it right?

I guess it all goes back to the Bible. May that be the only source of our Truth.

Hope & Disappointment

2010-09-29T10:35:00.000-04:00

Sometimes I have a hard time planning things with people or getting excited about things because I'm afraid of being disappointed. This may seem silly, but I would much rather avoid the situation altogether, rather than getting my hopes up and then being let down. On the flip side, this sometimes makes me hesitant to commit to things because I don't want to be the one to disappoint others if I'm unable to follow through.

I realize that people aren't perfect, they don't always keep every commitment, circumstances change, and so on...such is life. But I have this fear, this doubt...which, as you can imagine, doesn't lead to a very exciting life!

In reading Romans this morning, I realized that I have this fear with God as well. Now, with people, it's somewhat warranted, but I know with God, it's just ridiculous. Romans 5:3-5 says, "We also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us."

I know the truth -- Hope in God will not disappoint us because God is faithful--always and forever. He won't leave us or forsake us.

But I'm still scared.

Of praying for something & not getting an answer.

Of seeking & not finding.

Of feeling let down.

I know the truth is that this isn't a failure on God's part, it's a lack of my own faith.

I know it in my head. I need it in my heart.

The Church

2010-09-28T10:17:00.000-04:00

Over the past several years, I have visited LOTS of different churches. Churches of all shapes and sizes and denominations with all different types of people. All have their good and bad qualities, and I know there's no such thing as the perfect church, but I'd have to say that the vast majority seem to have it all wrong. The focus of so many churches seems to be attracting people. And they will go to great lengths to make themselves attractive to the world, even if it means looking more like the world than like Christ. They want to entertain people, to make them feel comfortable, even to impress them. And they do an excellent job of this. A lot of churches are good at 'doing church' and making people feel good. But there's something missing in all of this.

I've been reading the book 'Radical' by David Platt, in which he talks about how we've so intertwined Christianity with the American Dream that a lot of American Christians don't know the difference.

About America's churches (his included) David writes, "But what is strangely lacking in the picture of performances, personalities, programs, and professionals is desperation for the power of God. God’s power is at best an add-on to our strategies. I am frightened by the reality that the church I lead can carry on most of our activities smoothly, efficiently, even successfully, never realizing that the Holy Spirit of God is virtually absent from the picture."

We're not dependent on the power of God. We've created such comfortable lives that we don't NEED him. We can fool ourselves into believing that we're living a Christian life when Christ is not even a part of it. It's frightening, really. Are we really this blind?

I'm not sure what the answer is here. It's something I've been wondering for a long time. What does a church of God's design actually look like? Where can I find one? Or better yet, how can I help my church to become one?

We need to be desperate.

We need to make room for God.

Pictures to Hold You Over

2010-09-21T10:29:00.001-04:00

I hardly ever write on here because I'm always waiting for some great revelation that rarely comes. Or I just don't know how to write it down. I have lots of 'almost posts' in my head, but nothing that amounts to much.

So, in the meantime, here are some words of encouragement for you:

Some recent fun:

And some exciting news...debt free! Woohoo! :)

So, that's my randomness for now. I'll try to formulate something thoughtful soon. ;)

Memories of Egypt

2010-09-07T12:07:00.000-04:00

I heard a sermon last week about the Israelites wandering in the desert and 'remembering' how great it had been to live in Egypt. As they complained about their plight in the desert and spent time dwelling on their current circumstances, they suddenly remembered Egypt with fondness...instead of remembering their slavery and oppression, they remembered being well fed and taken care of. Instead of opening their eyes to see how God was providing for them in the desert, they conveniently forgot about how horrible Pharaoh had been to them and their families.

I've been thinking about this lately in relation to my selective memory. It's easy to be discontent with where I'm at and think of how great I used to have it...living on a lake, surrounded by friends, a desk job...it sounds wonderful and appealing, and sometimes, like the Israelites, I wonder why I left. But if I'm really honest with myself, I have to remember the bad things too. I don't need to go into detail, but it wasn't perfect. When I was there, I 'remembered' other times and places with fondness too and wished I could have those things back. It's hard to be content.

Why is it that when we're in the middle of a situation, we so clearly see the bad things and find anything to complain about, but when we look back, we see the good and wish for it back or wish we had enjoyed it more? Why not focus on the good while we've got it?

At this moment, I'm sitting at a coffee shop downtown. The sun is shining, there's a nice breeze, I have no place to be for the next few hours. What a blessing. I could complain about why I have this free time...I was a bit annoyed this morning when I found out some other plans had been cancelled, but if that hadn't been so, I wouldn't have had this opportunity to enjoy one of the last days of summer. So that's what I intend to do. :)

I started this post thinking I would write about some other 'days gone by' that I've been thinking of after visiting my old neighborhood in VA, but that can wait for another day. I don't want to miss this one!

Favorite Birthday Memories

2010-08-26T22:58:00.001-04:00

This being my 24th birthday and all, I thought I would take some time to reflect on birthdays gone by...

Here are some of my best birthday memories throughout the years:

--The birthday when I was around 6 or 7 and I was too sick to have friends over, but that meant my brother and I got the pinata all to ourselves :P

--When I turned 9 and had a 'kidnapped' party, which was a surprise to the guests...we woke them all up out of bed and brought them to our house in their pajamas to have a morning pj party

--When I was 10 or 11 and my friends & I made ice cream in coffee cans

--One of my college years when Andrea came to visit and we had 'brownie poop'

--My special birthday date with Dave last year out on a boat on Gull Lake

--And all the cakes I've shared throughout the years with my grandma & great grandma, who have birthdays close by...this year we share 205 years!

Happy Birthday Grandmas!

A Project

2010-08-21T17:20:00.001-04:00

My mom & I picked this up from the side of the road. It had a FREE sign, so we finagled it into our car and brought it home. It has been sitting in our basement ever since, but I've decided to finally take it on. I started sanding and now need some paint. I'm thinking just white...any suggestions?

The Fraidy Cat Thrill Seeker

2010-08-13T07:58:00.000-04:00

There's nothing I love more than a good thrill. I love to ride the biggest rollercoasters, go down the zip line, jump from the Pamper Pole at camp, and the one that tops the list was skydiving a couple years ago. I love a good healthy dose of fear...that little bit of uneasiness in the pit of your stomach just before you take the risk.

But then there's that other type of fear...

It seems so silly now, really. But at 3:30am I heard the doorbell ring. And I froze. I started imagining all sorts of terrible things. I started hearing noises. I was afraid to get up and afraid to fall asleep. My mind was going crazy. And really there was no rational reason to be afraid. I didn't even know if I really heard it or if I had just dreamed it.

People have died from jumping out of airplanes, and that didn't bother me the least bit. But I'm paralyzed by a doorbell?!

It's amazing to me the power that fear can have over me. Both mentally and physically. How it can seize my whole being. Even if it is irrational and unfounded. I hate it. And it's amazing, also, how now in the daylight it just seems foolish. I can see clearly now that there was nothing to fear. But in the moment, in the dark, it's so real.

-----

Sometimes I wish I could shed some of that daylight onto the 'dark' and uncertain parts of my life. To stop worrying about the unknown and step boldly ahead with feelings of anticipation and excitement for the thrills to come rather than fear of what could be.

I was reminded of this quote from Helen Keller, "Life is either a daring adventure or nothing. Security does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than exposure."

I want to live a daring adventure. I know I hold too tightly to security, and most of the time it's false security anyway. I know that the only real security is found in Christ.

Hebrews 13:5-6 God has said, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." So we say with confidence, "The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?"

It's worth the leap...

Life as of lately...

2010-08-12T09:15:00.000-04:00

It's strange to have arrived at the stage in life where the year does not start with fall and end with summer vacation. I feel like summer coming to an end should mean change - in work or school or location, but it doesn't anymore. That's a hard adjustment to make.

I'm ready for change. This summer has been great -- I've enjoyed having a 'real' summer for once, spending time with family, going to weddings, visiting grandparents, and so on. But I'm getting antsy. I enjoy my job, but 15 hours a week doesn't add up to much and leaves a lot of time to fill. I'm ready for a new job. A new adventure. A new place? Something.

It's been a summer of job applications and cover letters and resumes. It's frustrating to apply for so many jobs and never hear a word. I've had one interview, but no news so far. I finally have another interview today at a different place. Not sure that it would be my top pick, but a full time job and experience would be a plus. I'll keep ya posted.

I spent hours chatting with these lovely ladies yesterday...so refreshing! There's nothing better than good friends! :)

I'm Back!

2010-08-10T22:26:00.000-04:00

So, I know it may seem like I've dropped off the face of the earth, but no worries...I'm still here! Usually I just don't think I have much to say. Maybe this new look will motivate me to write something once in a while. We'll see...

Stay tuned.

Taking Another Look

2010-03-13T16:19:00.000-05:00

“What would your church (and the worldwide church) look like if everyone was as committed as you are? If everyone gave and served and prayed exactly like you, would the church be healthy and empowered? Or would it be weak and listless?” (Francis Chan, Forgotten God)

I feel like I'm in a constant cycle of reading things like this and being totally convicted and wanting to do something about it then slowly forgetting that feeling and starting to think I'm doing okay and then hearing or reading something again that brings conviction...and so on... But what am I doing? And what does it really matter if I feel convicted but don't do anything about it? Squat.

Sound familiar?

James 1:22-25: But don’t just listen to God’s word. You must do what it says. Otherwise, you are only fooling yourselves. For if you listen to the word and don’t obey, it is like glancing at your face in a mirror. You see yourself, walk away, and forget what you look like. But if you look carefully into the perfect law that sets you free, and if you do what it says and don’t forget what you heard, then God will bless you for doing it.

Guilty.

Now what?

Impressions

2010-02-25T20:27:00.000-05:00

I love how God brings people into my life in unexpected ways just when I need them. And how he brings people back again and again at just the right times. I especially love when he puts someone in my path who (on first impression) drives me crazy and I think I could never be friends with and then we become great friends. I like when God proves me wrong like that. When he opens my eyes to things beyond the surface and reminds me that I can't judge based on the outside. When I can see that everyone has insecurities just like me. I'm glad he knows better than me, and that he doesn't let me stop at my first impression.

Words of Wisdom from Lewis

2010-02-11T18:14:00.000-05:00

I've been reading Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis, and I love how he puts into words things we often overlook. A lot of his thoughts are not profound, but they express things that we don't always take the time to notice.

I like this quote taken from a chapter on marriage (but it applies to life in general):

"Our experience is coloured through and through by books and plays and the cinema, and it takes patience and skill to disentangle the things we have really learned from life for ourselves."

Lewis explains that it's harder than we think for us to separate and distinguish what we've learned from real life experience and what we've seen in movies or on TV or read in books. Much of what we think of as reality isn't reality at all. Scary, huh? What's colouring your experience?

Random tidbits:

2010-02-09T17:21:00.000-05:00

Why does the weather have to be terrible when I want to go somewhere? Or is it really that I just want to go somewhere because it's a blizzard outside (and I know I can't)?

When I had made a pretty certain decision that I wasn't going to do grad school, I got my acceptance letter in the mail. I'm still pretty sure that it's not what I should do right now, but the fact that I got accepted almost makes me want to do it. Almost.

Did you know that tradition says the apostle John was plunged into a vat of boiling oil and came out unharmed? Crazy.

I have an obsession with picking fuzz off of sweaters and socks. It drives me crazy sometimes, but I can't stop.

I think Valentine's Day should only be celebrated in elementary school classrooms.

2010-01-17T18:17:00.000-05:00

I'm beginning to not like Sundays. It's the day that everyone but me has things to do. I used to like time to myself, but not so much anymore. Hobby suggestions anyone?

2010-01-05T21:14:00.000-05:00

I keep thinking I'm going to arrive at some point in life and everything is going to come together, but I'm realizing that there's no such thing. I'm learning that I've got my priorities all wrong. I'm not going to be fulfilled when I find a certain job or marry a certain person or move to a certain place. The only thing that really matters is glorifying God no matter where I'm at or who I'm with (although I'm not always sure what that looks like on a day-to-day basis..I'm learning). The things that really count are relationships not accomplishments. In the last few weeks when I've needed a friend, I've been challenged to reflect on what kind of friend I am to others. I'm realizing that I don't always do a very good job. I'm not always the kind of friend I'd like to have. Growth is good even if it's painful at times.

Waiting

2009-09-24T22:48:00.000-04:00

Ever since I was a little kid, it’s been exciting to think about the future and to look forward to the next step. I’ve never been afraid of what’s ahead because the path has always been certain and clear. I always thought I would graduate from college and move somewhere nice and get a job as a teacher and get married and have a family and that everything would just fall into place. I didn’t plan on feeling uncertain about teaching. I didn’t plan on staying in Michigan. I didn’t plan on staying at camp. I didn’t plan on a lot of things… And not living according to a plan scares me. I like knowing what’s ahead. I like being in control. Really, maybe it’s just that I like for things to be easy.

Now when I think about the future, it makes me uneasy. What if I can’t find a job? What kind of job should I even look for? Where will I go? Where will I live? What if I’ve forgotten everything that I learned? What if I can’t take enough classes soon enough to keep my teaching license? Where do I even begin? What if everyone moves on and grows up except for me? What if life doesn't turn out like I imagined?

I heard this song on the radio on my way home tonight:

I will move ahead, bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience
While I'm waiting
I will serve You
While I'm waiting
I will worship
While I'm waiting
I will not faint
I'll be running the race
Even while I wait

I know that this should be my attitude. I know that God is in control and that his plan is better than anything I could plan for myself. But it’s not easy to wait and to trust and to be patient. The “what ifs” always come back.

I know there are much worse things that could be happening in my life. I really am thankful for all the blessings that have been showered upon me. I know I have nothing to worry about. I just need to surrender. Let go. And wait.

Passion

2009-04-22T19:52:00.000-04:00

For the past several years, I’ve been struggling to find my passion -- that one thing that I can get really excited about, that I can’t stop talking about, that gives me joy, that brings me purpose. This search for a passion was largely inspired by my doubts about teaching. When I realized that I didn’t know if I wanted to be a teacher, I started to wonder what I really did want to do. And thus, I started to wonder what I was really passionate about. I know that I love working with kids and I love traveling and I love camp and I love reading and I love jumping out of airplanes…but I’m realizing that all of that is secondary and really quite meaningless when compared with what really matters.

My passion should be about God—my Father, my Creator, my Savior, my Everything. It’s that simple. Why do I make it so difficult? If I’m not truly passionate about Christ, nothing else is going to matter.

I think about how excited I get to watch my skydiving video or to tell people about the experience or to think about doing it again. If you watch me in the video, you’ll see that I couldn’t take the smile off my face—I was so stinkin’ excited! How much more should I be thrilled to spend time with my God and to tell people about him? If I am willing to risk my life by jumping out of an airplane purely for my own pleasure, how much more should I be willing to risk my life for the sake of Christ?

I can say that I believe, but it isn’t real unless I live it.

What does my life say to the people I know? What does it say to the people I don’t know?

I’ve been thinking about 1 Peter 3:15 – “But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have.” Our concern should be not only in being prepared to give an answer, but, primarily, in living in a way that provokes the question. I believe that a life that is truly passionate about Christ would have everyone asking. I want to live that way.

Life

2009-04-03T19:29:00.001-04:00

I came home a few days ago to find a not-so-pleasant surprise on my doorstep. Right in front of my porch someone had left me a squirrel. A dead squirrel. It was disgusting! (I know you’re all probably super disappointed that I don’t have a picture to share. :P) Fortunately, I know a nice guy who was willing to come dispose of it for me :), but it got me thinking…

Now, I’m not a huge fan of squirrels, but I don’t have any big problems with them. They’re kind of cute sometimes. But there was nothing at all cute about the one on my step. Because it was dead. The life was gone. It made me think of when goldfish die. They’re fun to watch when they’re swimming around the bowl, but when you find them belly up, they’re just gross. And to stretch this thought a bit further…think about going to a funeral…even the most beautiful person (inside or out) is not all that attractive in a casket (not to be insensitive). The only genuinely beautiful things about us are our souls, our spirits, our personalities – our Life. That which is temporary and earthly, our flesh, is disgusting in and of itself. It’s the immortal part of us that makes us beautiful.

It’s a shame that we spend so much time and effort working on the outside and tend to ignore what really counts…

Simple Revelation

2009-02-21T12:37:00.000-05:00

About a month ago, I had a revelation about my life. Now, it may not seem like a significant revelation or even a revelation at all. Really, it’s quite simple and obvious, but I often don’t live or act or think like it. Well, here it is: “It’s not about me.” That’s my revelation. Not profound, I know. But, have you really thought about this? This life is not about me. At all. Period.

When I think about the way I pray or the things I worry about or the things I think about, I realize that my life is so self-centered. What is my purpose? What am I good at? What do I want my life to look like 5 years from now? Even my seemingly good questions are not focused on God; they’re focused on making me happy or making me feel good about myself.

We weren’t created to be happy and content and self-fulfilled. We weren’t created to be comfortable and successful and to make the most of ourselves. God created us to make much of Him, to glorify Him, to serve Him, to love Him. This world, this life, is not at all about me. So, how can I live otherwise?

Lord, help me to take my focus off of myself and turn it to You. Help me to remember that I am nothing without You. I know that you want the best for your children, and I thank you for your unfathomable love, but help me to remember that I’m not just here to receive from you. Help me to live in response to your love; to live a life of sacrifice and service to you and to others. Turn my questions into ‘How can I bring glory to You?’ ‘How can I live out Your will?’ ‘How can I love You more?’

Looking for God

2009-02-18T23:04:00.000-05:00

I often have a hard time ‘seeing’ God at work in and around me. Then I’ll hear other people tell stories about ways that God has been working in their lives and realize that the same types of things happen to me, but I don’t always connect them to God. Maybe I’m just not looking for the right things or in the right places.

As I was putting together a jigsaw puzzle the other day, I had this thought – I would choose a part of the picture to work on and then look through the big pile of pieces to find a certain color or pattern for that part. I found that when I was looking for a specific part, my eyes were automatically drawn to those pieces even if I hadn’t noticed them before. The same thing would happen each time I moved on to a different part of the picture. When I knew what I was looking for and focused on it, I had no trouble seeing the pieces I needed.

In the middle of all this, I thought – maybe that’s how it is with God in our lives. Maybe I just need to be more deliberate in looking for and focusing on Him and I’ll find Him right there in front of me amidst the things that have been there all along. I think I just make simple things too hard sometimes.

This seemed to make a lot more sense in my head before I wrote it down, but hopefully you get the point.

I don’t doubt that God is there. I just need to keep looking and start noticing the small things, rather than expecting some big revelation.

Random Thoughts

2009-02-07T12:22:00.000-05:00

It's amazing how a little bit of sunshine & some warmer weather can change your entire perspective. It's almost 50 degrees today & it feels amazing! I feel like it's almost a tease, making me long for spring even more, but I will just try to enjoy it while I can. I sat on the porch & read my Bible this morning, which was so refreshing. I miss the porch sitting days!

Last night one of my roommates & I stayed up til 2:30 just talking about life and faith and memories and the future. It was so good to process things together and to know that someone else feels the same way about things. It's scary sometimes to admit your doubts or fears or questions, but it's such a relief when you do and someone else admits to feeling the same way. Why are we always so afraid of being the only one?

One thing I read recently that has got me thinking is that our lives as Christians shouldn't make sense to non-believers. Is my life different enough from the world? How do I stop just blending in & be a better witness?

Ahhh!

2009-02-06T14:20:00.001-05:00

I'm so frustrated I just want to SCREAM!

Moses

2009-01-28T17:40:00.001-05:00

When I think of Moses, I usually think of a man of great faith and obedience to God. Hebrews 11 says of Moses, “By faith…he chose to be mistreated along with the people of God rather than to enjoy the pleasures of sin…. By faith he left Egypt, not fearing the king’s anger; he persevered because he saw him who is invisible.” I’d say that’s a pretty honorable way to be remembered.

But do you know how many times Moses questioned God when God told him to go to the king? At least seven times! Moses said things like: “Who am I, that I should go to Pharaoh?” “What if they do not believe me or listen to me?” “Since I speak with faltering lips, why would Pharaoh listen to me?” Moses had lots of fears and doubts.

God not only appears to Moses in a burning bush, but speaks audibly to him. (Haven’t we all at times wished for a sign so clearly from God?) But even with the Lord’s reassurance, Moses remains unconvinced. God says, “Who gave man his mouth? Who makes him deaf or mute? Who gives him sight or makes him blind? Is it not I, the Lord? Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say.”

Moses’ response? “O Lord, please send someone else to do it.”

Is this really the same guy they’re talking about in Hebrews?

It’s a little disappointing to see Moses this way, but at the same time, I guess it’s kind of comforting. If God can do such amazing things through this guy, with all his doubts and complaints and weaknesses, it gives us hope that he can do great things through us too. God didn’t give up on Moses and he hasn’t given up on us either.

Here & Now

2009-01-26T21:49:00.000-05:00

Could it be that I’m trying too hard to find something that I’ve already got? I constantly struggle with the question of what I should do with my life. What kind of job should I look for? Where should I go? How should I be serving? How should I use my degree? Should I go back to school? And so it goes…

But maybe I’m asking the wrong questions. Maybe I should just be asking how God wants to use me where I’m at right now. I recently read a paper that I wrote during my final semester of college in which I was supposed to basically sum up my college experience and set goals for my future. In one part, I said I was unsure about teaching, but I knew that I was passionate about & wanted to be involved in camping ministry. And here I am. I got just what I said I wanted. So why all the questions?

My mom sent me a devotion today entitled “Hiding in Fields.” It talked about the story of David in 1 Samuel when God anointed David King of Israel then sent him right back to tending his sheep. God clearly told David that he would be king, but it didn’t happen immediately. David continued ‘hiding in fields,’ faithfully doing his everyday work until the time was right for the next step. David knew he had a much greater calling in the future, but that didn’t discount the work he was doing right then, right where he was at.

This isn’t an excuse to settle, it’s a call to be faithful and to trust fully in God, even when we don’t feel like we’re doing great, life-changing things. We’ll never be fulfilled if we’re always looking for something bigger and better. We will only be satisfied when we learn to submit to God and let Him use us for his glory at all times and in all places.

For the paper I referenced earlier, I was asked to develop a mission statement for my life. Here’s what I came up with: “My purpose is to love God and love others through obeying God faithfully, serving with humility, and building meaningful relationships in the context of community.” If I’m truly living up to this, I think I’ll be okay – wherever I’m at, whatever I’m doing.

Trust & Worry

2009-01-20T20:09:00.000-05:00

Why is it so hard to completely trust God? Lately, I keep hearing Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight." I've heard this verse countless times before, but I've been thinking more about what it really means to trust with ALL my heart. Am I giving myself fully to God? Am I surrendering ALL parts of my life & my future? If so, I shouldn't feel worried or stressed, right? I read somewhere that worry & stress are signs of a lack of faith in God, which makes sense.

I think a lot of my worry comes from not wanting to do the wrong thing. I want to do God's will, but I don't always clearly know what that is. What if I make the wrong decision? What if my motives aren't right? How do I KNOW for sure?

It seems like most of my thoughts are questions that just lead to more questions & rarely do I come up with any clear answers. I wish life was more like math - every problem has a definite answer and there's a clear way to get to it (I know, I'm a nerd because I actually like math). Although, I suppose that would make life quite boring & pointless. I guess I just need to learn to enjoy the uncertainty & adventure of it all. :)

Lord, help me to trust you COMPLETELY! And help me to relax & enjoy the ride.

Lukewarm

2009-01-18T18:45:00.000-05:00

I’ve been thinking a lot about prayer and faith and God’s work in my life. I’ve always had a hard time being intentional about noticing the ways that God answers my prayers or pinpointing times that God is working or teaching me something. I know that God is active in my life and that He’s always moving all around me, but I don’t always take the time to see Him or listen to what He’s saying. One thing I think I need to do is be more specific and more persistent in prayer, but there are a few things that I’ve heard and read recently that have really challenged me as well.

One came from the book Crazy Love. In one super-convicting chapter about being Lukewarm Christians (which Chan says is really an oxymoron), he writes, “Lukewarm people do not live by faith; their lives are structured so they never have to…. The truth is, their lives wouldn’t look much different if they suddenly stopped believing in God.” That wasn’t exactly the most encouraging thing to read, but I guess truth is hard to take sometimes. Have I made my life so comfortable that I don’t need God? Sure, I face trials sometimes, but rarely anything that I can’t handle on my own or with the help of my friends or family. Although I know my first response should be to turn to God, if I’m completely honest, it doesn’t always happen that way. How often am I challenged to exercise true faith? Am I taking enough risks?

Another challenging thought came from my pastor, who basically said that we don’t experience miracles because we don’t put ourselves in position to need them. This goes along the same lines…we’re not challenged to exercise our faith because we live such cushioned lives. I believe that God is faithful and that He will always provide what I need, but I haven’t often had those beliefs put to the test.

Writing this actually scares me a bit because I know God often responds to things like this by challenging us. But I really do want an authentic faith. I definitely don’t want to be lukewarm.

“I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other! So, because you are lukewarm – neither hot nor cold – I am about to spit you out of my mouth.” ~Revelation 3:15

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Babies

2009-01-18T15:55:00.000-05:00

As I sat in church today, I watched people’s reactions to the baby a couple of rows in front of me. Almost everyone who walked by smiled at her, reached out to her, or made some sweet comment about her. Soon, another couple with a newborn baby came in and sat right in front of me and the same thing happened. And when the baby started fussing, people just looked over and smiled like it was the most precious thing they had ever heard. The crazy thing is that most of these people have never seen these babies before…they didn’t know the parents…they had no previous connection or relationship. Yet, they treat them with such love.

Babies possess this amazing, unexplainable magnetism. People can’t stay away from them. And people will do almost anything to make them (or keep them) happy.

As I observed all of this, I started to wonder when that all stops. At what age do people stop responding that way to kids? And why?

What if we treated everyone the way we treat babies? I’m not saying we should talk baby talk and pinch each other’s cheeks, but what if we smiled at everyone we met? What if we complimented each other and encouraged each other and were always excited to see each other (even people we didn’t know)? What if we loved unconditionally and did everything we could to help make each other’s lives better?

Instead of being quick to comfort those who are hurting and to meet their needs (like we do for babies), we are all too quick to turn away or ignore their cries for help.

What if we changed our perspective? How would it change the way we live?

Child of God

2009-01-11T16:38:00.000-05:00

While I was working with my Kindergartners at church today, I realized how much their acceptance means to me. Sometimes I feel like I'm the kid who wants to fit in. I love when they remember my name & when they want me to play with them or hold their hand or want me to sit next to them. I don't always feel like going, but as soon as I'm there, I love it. I think a lot of times it does more to help me than I actually do for the kids.

There was one little girl there today whom I'd never seen before. She was really tiny & really quiet & looked much younger than the other kids. I tried to talk to her when she first got there, but she just acted really shy & went off to play somewhere else. Later, though, during the worship time, she came up next to me & wanted to hold my hand, then wanted me to pick her up. I held her while we were singing & she laid her head on my shoulder & completely relaxed. I think that's one of the best feelings in the world. And it was just as we were singing a song about being a child of God. It made me think of how much God must love us if He calls us his children. I didn't even know this little girl & I loved that she wanted to be close to me. How much more must God, our Father, love it when we want to crawl into His arms & surrender to Him. And why are we so reluctant to do so? It should be the place we most want to be.

Crazy Love

2009-01-10T14:36:00.000-05:00

I'm reading this book called Crazy Love: Overwhelmed by a Relentless God by Francis Chan. It's really good & challenges a lot about the way I view God. One of the analogies that Chan gives really stuck out to me. He tells the reader to imagine being an extra in a movie. You get really excited about the two-fifths of a second in the movie that the back of your head can be spotted in a huge crowd. You invite all of your friends & family to see this movie about you, except it's really not about you at all. They'd probably think you were crazy.... Chan says this is how we view life a lot of times. We think it's all about us, when in reality, our lives are just a breath... Who do we think we are? It's all about God. Period.

Chan writes, "We have only our two-fifths-of-a-second-long scene to live. I don't know about you, but I want my two-fifths of a second to be about making much of God."

I want to turn my perspective around.

Prayer

2009-01-10T14:14:00.000-05:00

So, it's been a really long time since I've done this & I don't really even know where to start...

One thing that I've been struggling with a lot lately (well, I guess not just lately, but I've been thinking about it a lot more recently) is prayer. I feel like I just pray the same thing over & over again, but I don't know what else to say. And then I get so stuck on asking for things that I forget that I should really be worshiping God, but whatever I say never seems good enough or genuine enough. I think I have a hard time transferring my love for God from my head to my heart. I know a lot of stuff about God, but I don't always feel it. I know my relationship shouldn't be built on feelings, but it should be part of it, right? I think I've heard & read things about God so many times that I'm not awed by them like I should be...I don't let myself really take it all in & let it change me. How do I do that? How can I change my perspective? And how can I get out of this prayer rut? I need to remember God more & forget about myself.

It's really not about me at all.